Be strong!

Have you ever felt tired and worn out?  I have!  I'm even feeling a bit that way now as I face starting school in just a week with a busy end of this week ahead of me.  (I'm not ready for school to start!)  And yet this morning as I was reading in 2 Timothy, the first verse I read said, "Now then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus."  There are times I think, how can I be strong?  I'm so weak and tired!  And yet, if I only look at those two words, be strong, then I have missed a big part of the point.

First, Paul says to be strong just after he has told Timothy that everyone in Asia except for one man has deserted him.  So I suppose Paul knows that Timothy, like Paul, will face times when people turn away or desert him.  I've had times when I've felt deserted, too! So Paul is exhorting Timothy to be strong in the face of those difficult times.  And yet to be strong on my own power would be futile.  I'm just not that strong.  (I used to think I was, but the older I get, the more I recognize my own limitations and weaknesses.)  That's where the rest of the verse comes in.  Paul doesn't stop with Be strong.  He continues by saying in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.  I must admit that I got stuck here.

What does it look like to be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus?  What does that mean practically?  As I pondered this, I realized that Paul gets it.  He knows that we can't be strong on our own.  It's impossible.  He is telling Timothy (and God is telling all of us) to rely on Christ and the grace we receive from Him.  I've known what grace is because of receiving Christ.  We talk about how grace is a free gift  - something we don't deserve.  It's easy to think of receiving that free gift in reference to our salvation. God saved us not based on our own merit or what we do but on the free gift of Jesus.  But here He is talking about the free gift of God giving us the ability to be strong.  Grace is God's free gift to me, not just in salvation (in saving me from being eternally separated from Him), but also in helping me to be strong in ministry: in being able to live victoriously in my day to day life.

Paul was dying.  Almost everyone in Asia had deserted him.  And here he was telling Timothy to be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.  God is telling us how to be strong:  in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.  What does that look like practically?  What it's not:  it's not trying to do things in my own strength... not just trying harder, gritting my teeth, rolling up my sleeves and just pushing through.  What it is:  relying on God to give me the strength each day to do what He has for me that day.  Instead of worrying about the future and how I'm going to get everything done, I can give Him all those concerns and just do today what He has called me to do today.  It means depending on Him and relying on Him.  It means spending time with Him each day, allowing Him to give me the strength I need.

What does it look like for you to be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus?

What I like about snow...

It snowed again yesterday afternoon and evening.  It may snow again Wednesday night into Thursday.  Around here, everyone is saying, "not again!  Enough snow!"  We actually had some fun when the electricity was out for a few days after the ice storm here last week (until I couldn't get warm the second day - a fire in the fireplace just doesn't keep a log house but so warm.)

eating by lantern and candleglight

a little warmth from the fireplace

Even though I hate the cold, I actually like snow, and here's why:

When I look outside and see the snow or the snow and ice covered trees and ground, I am reminded of God's grace.  He is a beautiful Creator.  But even more than enjoying His creation, I am reminded of His grace towards me.  Just like snow will cover the earth and make it beautiful, Jesus covers my sin and the shame from my sin with His blood.  When He covers my sin, He cleanses me and makes me like Him.

a view of the woods on one side of our house

During the snow and ice this past week, I was studying Psalm 51.  This is a psalm that David wrote after he had been confronted by a prophet regarding his sin. Do you know the story?  David, a man known for having a heart like God, had taken another man's wife and slept with her.  When he learned that she was pregnant, he tried to cover it up by having her husband come home from war.  It didn't work, so he had her husband killed in battle to try to cover up his sin.

Like David, there are times when I feel incredible shame for specific sins (especially when I know that it is sin when I do it!)  I don't want anyone to know about those sins, and I want to keep them covered up.  But God knows all of my sins.  Not only does He know them, but He has provided for me by covering them up Himself with the blood of Jesus.

In Psalm 51:7 David writes, "Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow."    David repented of his sin, and God forgave him!  Yes, there were consequences for his sin, but God forgave him and covered his sin making him as white as snow.  Likewise, there are consequences when I sin; but if I trust in Jesus, I can be released from the guilt and shame of my sin.  God covers them with His blood and clothes me in His righteousness.

Whenever it snows outside, I think of Isaiah 1:18: "Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool."  So even though I hate the cold, I like it when it snows because the snow reminds me that God forgives me of all my sins (even those I don't want anyone to know about.)  It reminds me of His grace.

The "real" Nancy

Have you ever thought that if a person really knew the "real" you, they wouldn't like you?  Or that everyone else's life is better than yours, or not as messy as yours?  We often assume that other people "have it all together" or that their life is "perfect."  We know our own secrets, those things with which we struggle daily - perhaps it's being negative around my husband or kids, or not responding well to the insurance agent or telemarketer... what the house looks like when no one is visiting...  Whatever it is, we often think if only other people really knew what we were like on the inside, all our sinful thoughts, all of our past mistakes, all of our "secrets," then they would judge and condemn us and not respect or like us anymore.  I've definitely been there.  I battle the thought that other people will judge and condemn me if they only really knew the "real" Nancy.

That's where this summer comes in.  There were some things in my life that were hard this past spring.  Things I really didn't want the world to know about, things I needed to process.  Then this summer we were in Colorado for 2 months.  Every time we're in Colorado, I share my life story with others.  I always look forward to hearing what is happening in the lives of young college women as well as sharing with them about my life and my spiritual journey.  Sort of.  There comes a part when I get nervous (I go first!) as I tell them lots of details about my life.  Some details that even close friends in Pennsylvania don't know.  And here is what is so amazing:  even when I share the hard parts of my story, times when I did not walk with God as I should, times when life was or is hard, these beautiful women listen and accept me.  They don't accept the wrong behavior or wrong thoughts, but they listen, love, and forgive me.  And they show me a picture of the way God loves me as well, not condoning sin but loving me and walking me through life.

4 lovely college girls with whom I shared life at 6 am every morning

This summer I had one more group with whom to share my life: fellow staff women who work with Cru.  We were split into two groups, with me facilitating one group.  Then some members of my group asked that we share our stories with one another.  I got to go first.  As I was telling my life journey, I wasn't planning on sharing the hardest part of this past spring.    That would have been pretty risky.  After all, we are all missionaries who are supposed to have it all together, right? But as I was talking, it just sort of came out.  And guess what?  Those beautiful staff women loved me and continued to respect me and embrace me even in the midst of hearing that I don't have it all together.  Some of them had hard things they were going through as well.  None of them were in the exact place where I was, with the same circumstances.  Yet they were able to encourage me, help me to walk in the light, and see God's grace through the situation.  The Bible talks about walking in the light and not in the darkness.  So many times I'm tempted to try to appear like I have it all together because I think (erroneously) that others will like me more or respect me more if they don't see my areas of weakness or where I struggle.  But that's not true.  In reality, when I allow others to see the real me, blemishes and all, they can also see God working through that situation or weakness, and He gets the glory.  They also see that I'm not perfect just like they're not perfect, and they can actually connect even better with me. They share with me the areas of their lives that are also hard, and we can encourage each other and live in community instead of living in isolation believing that no one else understands or struggles like we do.

my Cru staff small group this summer at Horsetooth Reservoir

So the next time I'm tempted to "hide" behind a facade of being the "perfect" mom or wife or Cru staff, I'm hoping to let others know the "real" me.  How about you?  Have you tried being vulnerable with others, and letting them know the "real" you instead of hiding behind the picture of being the "perfect" person who has it all together?

another friend from this summer who knows the "real" me

A Tribute to My Father

I wrote the following 2 years ago and read it to my dad (along with a tribute to my mom) about two years ago.  I wanted to share it with all of you today, on Father's Day.  I'm thankful for my earthly father as well as for my heavenly Father and for my husband, the father of our beautiful children.

A Tribute to Jack Nelson given by his daughter, Nancy Nelson Wayland, on Thanksgiving Day 2011
For as long as I can remember, we went on family vacations. Some years we got to tag along with you on your business trip in June and spend a few extra days in the area, but most vacations I remember were the 5 of us, travelling in the car to a destination like Pennsylvania, the Smoky Mountains, --- or 2 times even getting to go to Disney World. I always looked forward to our vacations and didn’t realize that all families didn’t get to spend that time together. Family vacations were just one of the ways that you provided for our family.
You also provided for us with your great work ethic. You would faithfully get up early each morning and leave for work at 7:30, arrive home at 5:30, and then work on the farm at night and on weekends. At that time, I had no idea how faithful you were being to Mama and us girls as you were providing for our welfare. I didn’t realize that not all men did this. Yet you provided even more by teaching me, through your work ethic, responsibility, faithfulness, and dependability. Thank you for teaching me how to work hard, to be responsible and dependable. Along with working hard, you taught us to live within our means. While we always had plenty, you and Mama were wise in your spending and saving so that we had what we needed. How many young adults graduate from college debt free? Not many. You taught me to spend my money wisely and live within my means.
Perhaps one of the greatest areas in which you have blessed me is in your marriage with Mama. Even though I know there are times when you get frustrated with each other or disagree, I never heard you raise your voices at each other. I always knew that you and Mama were committed to one another and that you loved one another. I have never had to fear that you would get a divorce. I remember going on a hike with you (just the two of us) on the last vacation we went on as a family of 5. We hiked up and saw some pretty flowers in a meadow, and both of us enjoyed the hike immensely. On that hike, I realized something I hadn’t before. Even though you enjoyed them, you had given up going on long hikes on vacations because they were too hard for Mama. You didn’t complain or try to convince her to change, but instead you willingly gave up something you enjoyed because you loved her more. You showed me what it looks like to put someone else first. As I have worked with more and more college students and heard their stories, I have realized more and more how privileged I am to have you and Mama showing me what a good marriage looks like. Thank you for loving Mama and staying committed to her for life.
As we were growing up, you always set boundaries and parameters. You kept your word; your yes meant yes and your no meant no. Your discipline showed that you loved us. Proverbs 13:24 says: “He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” At that same time, you also extended grace. I will never forget being warned about driving carefully when we first got our driver’s licenses. Then I was in a car accident – my fault – where I totaled my (really your) car as well as the car of the woman I hit! Even with all the extra bills I’m sure you had to pay, you and Mama never scolded me or rebuked me. I think you saw how devastated I was and just extended grace. It was a perfect picture of the way God extends grace to us. I definitely didn’t deserve forgiveness. I wrecked a car and made a mess of things. You paid all my bills, took care of me, and then bought me a new car for my freshman year at Virginia Tech. With God, I definitely don’t deserve forgiveness. I wrecked my life and made a mess of things. Yet God, through Christ, has paid all my debt, taken my death penalty, and then given me new life. Thank you, Daddy, for teaching me about God’s grace in such a tangible, real-life way.
Exodus 20:12 says, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.” Daddy, today I want to honor you because you have honored me in the way you raised me. I love you, Daddy. Thank you for loving me and for being my dad.