Showing posts with label trusting God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trusting God. Show all posts

Sunday, March 20, 2016

Not the road I wanted

I started to write this blog post about a month ago - or maybe two months ago.  But time went by...  and yet I still think about what God wanted me to learn the day that I had an unintended off - road adventure by myself.

It was our youngest child' first day of kindergarten. For the second time. And I was not his teacher even though I've been teaching him to read. When he was born, I thought I would be homeschooling him in kindergarten  like I had all the rest of our children at that age. But many times God has other plans for us than what we imagine.  Last fall he started kindergarten at a school connected to the language school where Sean and I were studying Spanish. Since I didn't know Spanish, I needed to be in class and, well, I can't be in two places at the same time, so he had to go to school. We considered whether or not to go back to homeschooling with some of our kids when I graduated in December.  3 of our kids wanted to - and I love homeschooling!  However, our children still didn't know Spanish well.  After praying a lot and talking together and visiting another school, we decided it would be best to enroll our children in a bilingual school where we are definitely the minority - almost all the kids speak Spanish as their first language - and our kids look very, well, white!

Micah outside his classroom - he's excited!

There was a beautiful rainbow on Micah's first day at the school reminding me of God's faithfulness

The list of school supplies was super long for each child, and of course, written in Spanish.  It took my quite awhile to figure out what all of the school supplies were that we needed and even longer to find them.  For Micah, there was one type of folder that he needed in red and yellow that I just couldn't find.  The day before his first class, I talked to his teacher about it, and she told me the name of a store where I could find it.  The next day (his first day of school,) I drove to the store using google maps to direct me.  It was higher in elevation than our home.  Next, I was going to go to the Cru office for a devotional - I had just the right amount of time.  Google maps gave me 3 choices of roads to get there, so naturally I chose the one that looked the least trafficky (I hate traffic!) and that was the fastest.  As I started out, I actually was going higher up the mountain, even though I would need to eventually come down to get to the office, which is two towns lower than our house.

The views were terrific.  Occasionally I would get stuck behind a big truck, but I was enjoying the journey.  I had just read the introduction to a lent devotional talking about enjoying the journey as a pilgrim and not rushing to get to the destination.

the view at the top of the mountain at the point the road became really bad

At one point, I needed to turn right to start descending down the mountain.  The road was not paved - that was okay - there is a non-paved road near our house that we often use.  I also was happy that I was driving our new (to us) large 4 wheel drive vehicle, and I had already switched it into 4 wheel drive.  However, as I continued down this road, it became narrower and rougher.  I finally got to one point where the road turned to the left and also had huge ruts.  I had to stop.  I didn't know if I could make it through this section of the road.  I got out and looked.

a mountain biker dismounted when he went by while I was stopped

I had never driven anywhere so bumpy.  I didn't really want to do this by myself, but I didn't really have a choice.  Because the road had gotten much narrower, I wasn't too sure that I could turn around.  I sat there for awhile trying to find the spot in the owner's manual that told how to put the vehicle in 4WD LO.  Meanwhile, it was time for the devotional to start.  My "shortest" route definitely was not turning out to be short at all.   I talked to Sean on the phone - he offered to come up there (but he would have been driving a friend's car - and I knew this road was not suitable for a regular car!)  So I asked him to pray and put the car in  4WD LO and slowly started down the road.

I have to drive down this?!?!  (It was worse than the picture shows.)

I made it!  I even stopped a couple of times to take pictures - it was truly a beautiful place - just not what I had in mind for that morning.

one of the beautiful scenes on the way down the mountain


God often does that.  I'm a planner.  I like to know where I am going and what I will be doing.  And yet we never really are in control.  That morning I thought I would buy two folders and then go to the office.  Instead I ended up with only one folder (I never did find a yellow one!) and missed the planned devotional.  But God had an even better lesson for me that I would not forget (maybe it's too easy for me to forget the planned ones?)  He wanted me to know that He is in control and that He will choose the roads for me to take.  He is the One in control - not me.

the one folder I was able to buy that day

For the past 6 weeks, I have often thought of that off-road adventure.  There have been times when I have been disappointed or frustrated in not getting to do what I want to do - and yet at the same time, I have seen God's hand.  He is working, and He is doing amazing things.  And His work is much greater than what I have planned or imagined, just like the view on the way down the mountain and the lesson He taught were both much greater than what I had planned for the day.

I had to make a yellow folder from an orange one after going to several stores and not finding one

Friday, August 2, 2013

I'll Never...

Today Natalie leaves for Mexico.  Without us.  She's going on a missions trip to Puebla, Mexico for the third time WITHOUT Sean and me or the rest of our family.  When I asked her who she wanted to drop her off at church for the trip, she replied, "whoever will embarrass me the least."  That means I was out of the running.  I cried after she left this morning - or at least got teary-eyed.  Those who know me well know that I cry easily at most things.  It runs in the family: my brother-in-law jokes that there will be a whole lake in heaven filled with tears from the women in our family.  A jar wouldn't hold all our tears!   So that meant Sean dropped her off.  He didn't even stay to take a group photo (she didn't want him to) - I'll just have to get someone else's group photo off of facebook.  She did let me take a few pictures before she left this morning, so here is one of my favorites:



I'm excited for Natalie today!   I didn't cry when she left because I'm sad or worried, but because I'm excited for her, to see what God will do in her life.  Each year she comes back changed, and we get a glimpse of God making her more beautiful, more like Him.

I remember years ago when our church started doing these trips and taking fifth graders: FIFTH GRADERS!!!  The children's director who plans and leads these trips to Mexico is a good friend of mine.  She was excited the first year about taking a bunch of rising 6th graders to Mexico without their parents.  (Natalie was finishing 3rd grade at the time.)  I was excited for my friend (the children's director), but I also remember thinking, " I don't want Natalie to go on a missions trip to another country without Sean or me when she's only just finished 5th grade!  Too young!!!"  And yet, 2 years later, when Natalie asked to go, that's exactly what we did.  Why?  Because God worked in our hearts, and we believed that was what He was asking us to allow her to do.

We prayed a lot.  It's funny how God takes so many of my, " I'll never..." thoughts and turns them into, "I will..."  For example, I distinctly remember saying, "I'll never date a guy who wants to join staff with cru; I don't want to raise support."  Now here I am after 17 years of being happily married and thankfully and joyfully on staff with Cru.... two of the biggest blessings of my life  (and raising support for all of our needs and wants!)   Here again with Mexico, I learned once again that I shouldn't say or think, "I'll never..."  because sometimes the "I'll never"s turn into God's biggest blessings for us.

And that brings me back to Natalie.  I love her so much (just like I love all our kids incredibly!)  I remember before she was born; we didn't know if she was going to be a boy or a girl.  I remember being a little worried that if I had a boy then he might get into trouble or get hurt and that I might not be able to protect him from everything.  (Sean had told me some wild stories of growing up years with his cousins and friends; plus I had heard some college students' testimonies.)  Anyway, in the midst of my thoughts, God spoke clearly to me (not in an audible voice, but in my heart.)  He said point blank that there would be times in this child's life that I would not be there for him/her.  That I wouldn't be able to shield him/her from all the hardships of life.   (Those were disturbing comments!)  But He also said that He, God, would be there with my child, even when I couldn't.  As Natalie has grown, I have seen that to be true.  I can't stop some of the hurt that she experiences.  I can't go with her to school, read every text, book, or message that she reads.  I can't always be with her to help her make the best decisions and to walk her through every pain or trial.  But God can, and He does.   And as much as I love her and want to protect her, God loves her even more.  His plans for her life are even better than mine.  And I have to trust Him with that.  Even if it means sending her off to a foreign country when she is only 11 years old, or 13, or 14 (this is her third trip!)  And what's really cool, is that when I let God be God, let Him be in control, He does some pretty amazing stuff.  And in the end I'm thankful.  So when I catch myself thinking (I say it out loud less, but it still creeps in my heart at times,) "I'll never..." I remember the times like Natalie's trips to Mexico and how God has gloriously used the last two trips in her life.  And God reminds me that His plans are WAY better than mine, and that He loves me and those I love WAY more than I do.  So today, even though I'm teary-eyed, I'm super excited for my beautiful blue eyed, blond haired girl and the adventure that awaits her in Mexico.

Natalie's first trip to Mexico

another friend on Natalie's first trip to Mexico

Natalie with one of her favorite children at the orphanage

painting at the school in Mexico - 2012


Natalie had fun cracking eggs while I was busy with baby Samuel



This is Natalie on her first missions trip with us when she had just turned one.  We went to Algeciras, Spain and met families traveling to North Africa.  Here she is with a family that really enjoyed meeting her. 

Natalie loving on her baby brother Samuel