Hope

So I have been thinking about HOPE recently.  There are days that can be quite discouraging.  I get asked all the time, "how do you manage?" with 5 kids, homeschooling some of them, carpooling and volunteering at the school for the one I'm not homeschooling, and working my job with Cru.  The answer I have sometimes given?  "Not very well."  And it's true.

On my own, I stink at all of my jobs, especially being a mom.  I look at other moms and their kids, and they seem to have it all together.  But then someone will make a comment about how my kids never misbehave or how they are so good.  I smile and think about the time at Beau Jeau's in Colorado when my kids were absolutely losing it while the other family with 5 kids had perfectly behaved "angels."  And then I realize that all those other families whose kids look like they have it all together really don't have it all together.

It's only by God's grace that any of us have part of it together anyway.  And that give me HOPE:

• I am hopeful that God is doing a good work in me in spite of my own selfishness and sinfulness. 
• I am hopeful that God is working in that child who isn't responding the way I had imagined - but instead in whom I see some of my own faults and failures.  
• I am hopeful that God can use a broken vessel like me to further His kingdom.  
• I am hopeful that God's mercies are new every morning.  
• I am hopeful that God can mend broken relationships.  
• I am hopeful that there is more than just this life here on earth.  
• I am hopeful that He is coming back one day.
• I am hopeful that when He does come back, He will make me into a new creation and I will no longer struggle with the same old sins, over and over again.  
• I am hopeful that I will one day see Him face to face.

"For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it." Romans 8:24 - 25 NASB

A Tribute to My Mother

In 2011, I wrote a tribute to my mom and read it to her (along with a tribute to my dad) on Thanksgiving Day.  I wanted to share it with you today for Mother's day:

Natalie and Mama after my mom taught Natalie to make lemon meringue pie - yum!

A Tribute to Jane Nelson given by her daughter, Nancy Nelson Wayland, on Thanksgiving Day 2011

I remember mornings as a young girl how you would be in the kitchen packing our lunches and fixing our breakfast so that we could go to school well prepared. I was pretty picky with my sandwiches, and you always made a special one just for me: leaving out the peanut butter on the PB & J sandwich or not putting Miracle Whip on the sandwich with meat. Betsy, Ginny and I would go off to school secure and happy, with all of our folders and books organized, not realizing how much work and effort you put into making sure we had all that we needed.

You have always been there for me, cheering me on. When I wanted to run cross country and track in high school, you encouraged me and came to all my home meets and even some of my away meets. You would sit in the parking lot next to that little field house by the track at Varina High School and read a book, patiently waiting for me as I gathered my things after each practice. (I never even  thought about the fact that you might have other things to do at 5:30 PM, like cook dinner for an entire family!) When I wanted to swim on the summer swim team, you didn’t just drop me off, you volunteered as a timer at so many swim meets. You were always involved in my life: taking me places, talking to me, cheering me up… I even remember you making the long trip to VA Tech one summer day so I could do my vocal try-out for the group “The New Virginians.”

As I got older, you helped me be prepared for life. I still have the list of meals for lunch and supper and the recipes you gave me for my senior year of college. You got me set up with dishes and other household items I would need for my first apartment in college and then later when I moved out on my own. You also helped me to be prepared for life by teaching me to be organized and punctual. I remember when I was teaching at Chickahominy, another older teacher commented about how organized I was. I laughed in disbelief --- I didn’t feel very organized compared to you or Betsy! Then I realized that you had given that gift of organization to me, and other people could see it, even when I didn’t feel super organized myself.

Perhaps the greatest area in which I have been blessed with you as my mom is in the spiritual heritage you have given me. It wasn’t until I got involved with Cru in college that I began to realize how much I had learned about God from you. I had taken it for granted, believing that kids in all families knew all the Old Testament stories and who Jesus was and that He died on the cross for them. I didn’t realize how much you had been praying for me and also for Sean --- even before you and I had ever met him! I remember one time studying the book of Luke in a Bible study with you, Betsy, and Ginny when we were growing up. I also remember praying at breakfast as a family, putting on the armor of God. All of those “little” things you did that were really so important, I just took for granted.

Mama, you have a tender heart, and I have never, ever doubted how much you love me or others. Thank you, Mama, for being such a wonderful mom. When I was trying to think of what to give you for Mother’s Day this past May, I couldn’t think of anything that you couldn’t buy for yourself. Then God impressed upon me that I could tell you what I think all the time… and that’s how thankful I am for the mom that you are and the mom that you have been for me since October 29, 1970. It took me from May until now to write down my thoughts (how do I summarize in just 1 little page what you mean to me?!?!) So this Thanksgiving of 2011, I thank my God for giving you to me as my mom.

Proverbs 31:10 says, “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain” and verse 28 says, “Her children rise up and bless her…” So I am rising up today to bless you because of the blessing you have been to me.

I love you, Mama. Thank you for loving me and for being my mom!

my mom with Natalie, Samuel, and their cousin in December 2004

What I like about snow...

It snowed again yesterday afternoon and evening.  It may snow again Wednesday night into Thursday.  Around here, everyone is saying, "not again!  Enough snow!"  We actually had some fun when the electricity was out for a few days after the ice storm here last week (until I couldn't get warm the second day - a fire in the fireplace just doesn't keep a log house but so warm.)

eating by lantern and candleglight

a little warmth from the fireplace

Even though I hate the cold, I actually like snow, and here's why:

When I look outside and see the snow or the snow and ice covered trees and ground, I am reminded of God's grace.  He is a beautiful Creator.  But even more than enjoying His creation, I am reminded of His grace towards me.  Just like snow will cover the earth and make it beautiful, Jesus covers my sin and the shame from my sin with His blood.  When He covers my sin, He cleanses me and makes me like Him.

a view of the woods on one side of our house

During the snow and ice this past week, I was studying Psalm 51.  This is a psalm that David wrote after he had been confronted by a prophet regarding his sin. Do you know the story?  David, a man known for having a heart like God, had taken another man's wife and slept with her.  When he learned that she was pregnant, he tried to cover it up by having her husband come home from war.  It didn't work, so he had her husband killed in battle to try to cover up his sin.

Like David, there are times when I feel incredible shame for specific sins (especially when I know that it is sin when I do it!)  I don't want anyone to know about those sins, and I want to keep them covered up.  But God knows all of my sins.  Not only does He know them, but He has provided for me by covering them up Himself with the blood of Jesus.

In Psalm 51:7 David writes, "Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow."    David repented of his sin, and God forgave him!  Yes, there were consequences for his sin, but God forgave him and covered his sin making him as white as snow.  Likewise, there are consequences when I sin; but if I trust in Jesus, I can be released from the guilt and shame of my sin.  God covers them with His blood and clothes me in His righteousness.

Whenever it snows outside, I think of Isaiah 1:18: "Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool."  So even though I hate the cold, I like it when it snows because the snow reminds me that God forgives me of all my sins (even those I don't want anyone to know about.)  It reminds me of His grace.

Giving Thanks

After David was established as king of Israel, he had the ark of God brought to Jerusalem.  Then he gave a psalm (song) of thanks to the Lord.  Towards the end of the song he said, "Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good, His love endures forever."  (1 Chronicles 16:34) It is so good that we have a national holiday where we can stop and give thanks to the Lord!

Yesterday on Thanksgiving day, Sean, the kids, and I sat around the living room and named things for which we are thankful.  Here is the list (of course there are many more, but this is what was said yesterday as we went around the room several times:)

• food, specifically Coca-Cola salad
• family
• my wife
• cars (toy ones)
• my husband
• being able to play the piano
• toys
• my friends 
• mi casa (my house)
• Jesus
• nuts
• hard things that make me depend on Jesus
• the trees
• hot water
• my schools
• animals
• health
• Mater's Tall Tales (a movie)
• laughter
• the Bible 
• a swing set
• art
• DSi's and 3DS's
• in-laws
• cousins
• the opportunity to learn about and talk about Jesus with others
• computers
• fresh water
• the ability to sing
• the opportunity to travel
• scissors
• music
• Colorado every other summer and the friendships we have there
• sleep
• sports
• soccer and basketball
• life
• candy
• books
• forgiveness
• paint ball
• smelly markers
• hugs and kisses
• marshmallows
• nature
• God's mercies are new every morning
• Mommy and Daddy
• this chair
• having a nice bed
• our van and our car
• dry erase markers
• the beach
• bike rides and hikes
• my brain
• little sheep
• dessert
• my job
• Eagles and Hokies
• Mexico and Australia
• Senegal and Botswana
• pie 
• freckles
• everything!

For what are you thankful this year?

what's it like having a twin

Me, our older sister Ginny, and my twin sister Betsy

Today is my birthday, so typically it's a day everyone celebrates me!  But since I was born, I've had to share that day with someone else: my twin, Betsy.  When we were little, we were so very different.  We looked different: blond hair and blue eyes vs. dark black hair and brown eyes.  We acted differently: tomboy vs. girly-girl who even sewed her own prom dress and winter wool coat in high school. You might think that we were so different, that we wouldn't be close, but I'm here to tell you all the fantastic reasons why it's GREAT to have a twin (especially MY twin!)

• Someone to ride the school bus with you on the first day of school at each new school
• Someone to walk into any new situation with you as a kid
• Someone to let you borrow her books if you leave yours at school 
• Someone who would fall asleep while you were talking when you were in college...  and who still falls asleep while you're talking on the phone to her now because you live in different states... or who falls asleep while you're talking to her in person when visiting
• Someone to drive two and a half hours from her college to yours during her exam week to help you pack up your belongings when your exams were over (and who sprained her ankle helping you, so that you had to drive to her college and hang around to drive her to her finals with her sprained ankle)
  
  
  
• Someone to drive you home from her college the week of Thanksgiving (while you were visiting her) because you got mono and were too sick to drive home (only to have to come back to take her tests and then drive home three days later)
• Someone to share a car with you your senior year in high school after you totaled your car
• Someone to laugh with hysterically when you got caught in a rainstorm going on a ski lift in Gatlinburg, TN on summer vacation 
• Someone to help you chaperone a canoeing trip when you are a brand new teacher - and get caught in another downpour for hours....
• Someone to help you figure out how to set up a tent because your borrowed tent has a stick in the place of one of the tent poles...
• Someone to call when you're just really frustrated with being a mom and all the messy parts of being a mom
• Someone who cried when you got married - both super happy for you but at the same time knowing that a certain chapter in your life had ended
• Someone who will have "bad" days on the same days - even though living in a different state
• Someone who cheers you up when you're sad or down
  

Samuel: the heart of a servant

Today I asked Samuel to take out the crock with the smelly, starting to decompose compost from the kitchen.  No one likes that job.  Everybody hates it because instead of taking it out every day, we tend to procrastinate and wait until the crock is completely full.  So I asked Samuel to take it out.  I didn't feel like having any back talking or listening to any whining.  (Don't worry - I will ask the kids who back talk or whine as well - but today I didn't.)  Here is a picture of Samuel taking it to the spot in the edge of the woods where we dump our compost:

Samuel is my servant son.  He is quick to obey without whining or back talking, even when it's not his favorite job.  Don't get me wrong, there are still times that he drives me crazy (like yesterday when he took over 6 hours - 6 HOURS! - to complete one day's math assignment.)  But overall, when I ask him to do something specific to help me out, he does it.  And this is from a 12 year old!  So I find myself, on days when I am weary, choosing to ask Samuel for help.  Help your little brother go to the bathroom and wash his hands... help me fill the water bottles before we go to soccer practice...

Last night when I backed the van out of the garage, I saw toys that were on Sean's side of the garage.  I stopped the van.  "Somebody get those toys put away so Dad doesn't run over them, " I directed.  Who jumped out of the van and put away the toys right away?  Samuel.  (He hadn't even been out there playing with the toys earlier; he had been inside working on that dreaded math assignment.)  Just another example of how he is quick to serve others.

Samuel has a servant's heart.  You might think that doesn't sound good - after all, who wants to be a servant?  It's not something you would normally think to put on a resume as a strength.  But having a servant's heart isn't a bad thing.  Jesus said that we should have a servant's heart.  And then He showed what that looked like by first washing his disciples feet and then by dying on the cross for each of us.  (Neither of which He deserved to do.)

Samuel's response to my requests makes me think about my heart.  There are lots of times when I don't have a servant's heart.  I want others to do things for me.  I think I deserve certain things, that I have certain rights (after all, I am an American, right?)  But then I think of Samuel, who actually reflects Jesus' heart in his service to me and others.  And I realize that I really want to have that type of heart, willing to put others before myself, to give for the benefit others.  How about you?  Do you find yourself having a servant's heart?  Or do you have someone in your life who reflects Jesus' servant heart?

The "real" Nancy

Have you ever thought that if a person really knew the "real" you, they wouldn't like you?  Or that everyone else's life is better than yours, or not as messy as yours?  We often assume that other people "have it all together" or that their life is "perfect."  We know our own secrets, those things with which we struggle daily - perhaps it's being negative around my husband or kids, or not responding well to the insurance agent or telemarketer... what the house looks like when no one is visiting...  Whatever it is, we often think if only other people really knew what we were like on the inside, all our sinful thoughts, all of our past mistakes, all of our "secrets," then they would judge and condemn us and not respect or like us anymore.  I've definitely been there.  I battle the thought that other people will judge and condemn me if they only really knew the "real" Nancy.

That's where this summer comes in.  There were some things in my life that were hard this past spring.  Things I really didn't want the world to know about, things I needed to process.  Then this summer we were in Colorado for 2 months.  Every time we're in Colorado, I share my life story with others.  I always look forward to hearing what is happening in the lives of young college women as well as sharing with them about my life and my spiritual journey.  Sort of.  There comes a part when I get nervous (I go first!) as I tell them lots of details about my life.  Some details that even close friends in Pennsylvania don't know.  And here is what is so amazing:  even when I share the hard parts of my story, times when I did not walk with God as I should, times when life was or is hard, these beautiful women listen and accept me.  They don't accept the wrong behavior or wrong thoughts, but they listen, love, and forgive me.  And they show me a picture of the way God loves me as well, not condoning sin but loving me and walking me through life.

4 lovely college girls with whom I shared life at 6 am every morning

This summer I had one more group with whom to share my life: fellow staff women who work with Cru.  We were split into two groups, with me facilitating one group.  Then some members of my group asked that we share our stories with one another.  I got to go first.  As I was telling my life journey, I wasn't planning on sharing the hardest part of this past spring.    That would have been pretty risky.  After all, we are all missionaries who are supposed to have it all together, right? But as I was talking, it just sort of came out.  And guess what?  Those beautiful staff women loved me and continued to respect me and embrace me even in the midst of hearing that I don't have it all together.  Some of them had hard things they were going through as well.  None of them were in the exact place where I was, with the same circumstances.  Yet they were able to encourage me, help me to walk in the light, and see God's grace through the situation.  The Bible talks about walking in the light and not in the darkness.  So many times I'm tempted to try to appear like I have it all together because I think (erroneously) that others will like me more or respect me more if they don't see my areas of weakness or where I struggle.  But that's not true.  In reality, when I allow others to see the real me, blemishes and all, they can also see God working through that situation or weakness, and He gets the glory.  They also see that I'm not perfect just like they're not perfect, and they can actually connect even better with me. They share with me the areas of their lives that are also hard, and we can encourage each other and live in community instead of living in isolation believing that no one else understands or struggles like we do.

my Cru staff small group this summer at Horsetooth Reservoir

So the next time I'm tempted to "hide" behind a facade of being the "perfect" mom or wife or Cru staff, I'm hoping to let others know the "real" me.  How about you?  Have you tried being vulnerable with others, and letting them know the "real" you instead of hiding behind the picture of being the "perfect" person who has it all together?

another friend from this summer who knows the "real" me